thank you for your kind emails <3
here we are a whole year later - expecting a wonderful and healthy little one this summer.
at the time when i took these pear photos, baby was the size of a pear... and i looked like a pear (!)
a little ironic in that my uterus isn't the typical pear-shape that most women have. mine is heart-shaped and baby is growing on the right side, the same side as big-sister lucy grew in.
it really hasn't been an easy road for us. i felt fearful, sad and bitter because of our past experiences in losing three sweet little ones. it really wasn't a good place to be.
i wrote about lucy's birth story here. at the time we understood that she was a complete miracle - based on what the doctor saw while i was open during my c-section, she didn't think i should have been able to carry a baby at all because of the severity of my bicornuate uterus. she also didn't seem hopeful that i'd be able to carry another one. but since everything seemed to have gone so well with lucy, she didn't see any reason for us not to try having another baby and to even have a v-back with our next.
after lucy, my miscarriages all happened during the first trimester, so the doctor knew it didn't have anything to do with my heart-shaped uterus. i had further testing done - a sad and lonely process of it's own - they didn't figure out why i kept miscarrying, but the doctor did see something clearer than before: she told me 'jenny, had lucy not been breech, you probably wouldn't have had a c-section... but i now know you would have bled (she stopped at this point) - and i don't want to think about what would have happened to you... you would have torn so badly, you wouldn't be here.'
just like that.
it all came rushing back: i had a c-section because lucy was breech and five weeks early. had she not been breech or five weeks early, i would have tried to deliver her naturally.
had my other pregnancies gone as planned, i would have had a v-back.
and i probably wouldn't be here.
as awkward and invasive as the testing was, i only realized later that i had to have it done to really understand the miracle we experienced in lucy's birth. i had to go through all the hard and terrible times to come to the point where we are today.
this is why i share my story: i want others to really understand the depth of this miracle - how complicated and intricate the details are. maybe if one little part had happened we would have considered it a great coincidence, but with so many pieces falling into place the way they did - i can only ever declare it a miracle. i want others to understand that although i experienced such great, great sadness, i have also experienced hope and joy in Christ. seriously - even though i was truly miserable, broken and unhappy at times (think about it, i've lost three babies.), i always had both hope and joy, which go so much deeper than anything i could have experienced on my own, without God.
i've never been so excited to tell anyone anything as when we told lucy she's going to be a big sister... we got to tell our miracle that there is yet another miracle happening inside of me <3
believe me, she's already the best sister this baby could hope for.
baby is the first to hear 'aamunta vauva!' (meaning 'huomenta vauva!' - 'good morning baby!') as soon as lucy rushes to my side every morning. lucy gently pushes me to always eat at an extra 'herkku' ('treat') for baby's sake. she is so looking forward to caring for this baby of ours.
when making our big announcement to lucy, we gave her a tiny little doll for her doll house - it was the exact size of our baby as we were telling her. we were able to explain that baby is itty bitty in my belly right now and has a lot of growing to do.
she had been hoping for a nursery set for her doll house and this was the perfect time to give it to her. however, she now thinks i also have a crib, highchair, stroller and change table in my belly! oh, and a trampoline?!